Madame Arcati now blogs at Anorak

Anorak

And on that note, goodbye

My blogging phase is over. No more free prose. xx

Hilary Mantel: Awards, silly AS Byatt and an indoor lavatory

Hilary Mantel writes a rather delish piece in the latest issue of Intelligent Life on writers and awards. The 2009 Man Booker prize winner for Wolf Hall, she's a veteran of shortlists and victory cheques and so ably qualified to guide us into a world where X Factor-like star-fucking collides with trembly loner-creatives shy of flashlight.

The piece is so rich with observation and sly indiscretion that I shan't even attempt to synopsise. But my thanks to a reader for drawing my attention to Mantel's amused recollections of the 1990 Man Booker on which she was one of the judges. Of the benign absurdities she writes:

'There was an element of bathos when the winner, A.S. Byatt, said that she would use the money to build a swimming pool at her second home. At times of crisis—and winning this prize is a crisis—people say the most extraordinary things. I seem to recall one novelist saying more humbly that his winner’s cheque would pay for an extra bathroom. For years I dreamt of pursuing the watery theme: of flourishing my £50,000 with a cry of, “At last, I see my way to an indoor lavatory."'

Mantel recalls the many idiotic things said to her at awards by members of the public and her mixed feelings of watching a winning title rocket up the Amazon sales chart while the curses of online ranking and categorising seem like off-shoots of prize industry thinking.

But she's done well out of it. She reveals that winning the Man Booker has helped her find publishers in 30 countries in the last nine months - and made her rich enough to write what she likes.

Intelligent Life

Charles Shaar Murray: How to enchant the grown-ups

You, too, could be the next Charles Shaar Murray. The 'legendary' former NME rock writer will tutor 20 aspirants in the art and craft of writing and journalism in an eight-week series of masterclasses called The Hothouse Project, hosted by Storm Books, in north-west London. Price: £195. Late Sept-Nov.

He will help refine your talents in interviewing and reviewing, even in writing a column. In his shoes I'd familiarise the student with the small claims court and the value of sleeping with commissioning editors - one must always think pragmatically, that's what I always say. Not that the latter strategy always gets you the promised column: I know of one  female writer who pleasured a national newspaper editor for a while and he never delivered. So, my third lesson would be in artful blackmail. The fourth would be in the everlasting value of storing emails: delete nothing. I shiver with delight at what students could learn from me.

But back to CSM. He appears to think that he has secrets to impart for the betterment of literary career. He reviewed Stephen King's memoir On Writing once and concluded that 'personal magic' is the X factor any writer needs for success. So prepare to enrol at Hogwarts.

CSM website